Unpopular Opinion: The Bigger Obstacle in Parenting Disabled Kids Isn’t Disability

Social media can be downright hostile.

You can’t have your own opinion without someone telling you why you’re wrong. All the while forgetting that’s their opinion. No one wants to hear facts, even if they can be backed with proof. I mean, don’t try to tell someone the sky is blue. 

And everyone wants to argue. You can comment on a post, and twenty minutes later have 50 responses yelling at you like you just threatened to steal someone’s new puppy. Everyone gets brave when they can hide behind their keyboard, it seems.  

So, I’ve decided I’m done keeping my opinions to myself. But here’s the difference. I’m not just spreading opinions. I’m talking about facts. I’m using years of education, and I’m advocating for the voices who need someone to speak up for them. And whether this aligns with the delicate sensibilities of these keyboard warriors, I don’t care. 

Social Media Started a Fire 

I opened one of those wonderful social media apps recently and came across a post asking if parents of a disabled child can get in trouble for not enrolling the child in school. Basically, they were asking whether or not they could get in trouble for neglect.

The post was new, but already had a few comments stating they couldn’t get in trouble. Here’s the thing. They were all wrong. 

Not because it was just my opinion, but because the law makes it clear: parents are legally responsible. I commented stating just that—and followed up by saying, “Disability does not mean unable.” 

My comment alone had over 50 responses when I quit looking. Several parents agreed with me, but far more came to argue. Their responses? 

• “So, parents shouldn’t be expected to work because their kid needs schooling?”

• “Some children can’t learn.”

• “Some disabilities mean kids won’t learn.”

• “Not every kid is able to sit through school.”

• And on and on…

At first, I responded to a couple. But the more I read, the angrier I got. I couldn’t believe the number of PARENTS responding telling me they didn’t have time, effort, or interest in educating their child because the child has a disability!

I was shocked!

And I say this as the mom of a child with a disability, and as a nurse who has worked with disabled children in both homes and schools—kids who may never speak, read, or write, but still show up to learn every single day.

I’ve seen kids learn to communicate with devices or read when everyone said they never would.

My Unpopular Opinion of Parenting and Disabilities

So, here’s where I’m going to get really real:

A disabled person will never learn new skills

if they aren’t given the opportunity. 

Full Stop!

Full Stop!

Unpopular opinion: Parents or caregivers who aren’t providing opportunities for disabled children to learn—new skills, abilities, tasks, or even general education—are the issue, not the disability. 

I don’t care who agrees or disagrees. A child will never learn if they aren’t given a chance to do so. You can’t say, “My child can’t do _________.”

People are making the impossible possible every day. Miracles happen every day. You will never know what your child is capable of if you don’t expose them to the opportunities to find out. 

And this doesn’t mean trying a few times or until YOU get tired and decide they can’t. We have a 12+ year education system for a reason. No one can learn a lifetime of skills in a short period. Some skills take years to learn or perfect. 

All skills require developmental stages, which means getting to them takes time. We aren’t born ready to learn everything. We don’t learn to walk the first time we stand up. We don’t learn to use silverware the first time we pick it up. 

This also doesn’t mean public school is the only option. There are many other means of providing education and skills to children. 

• Many parents choose to homeschool for this very reason. 

• Many parents can’t homeschool, and that's understandable, too! 

But none of these reasons mean the children don’t deserve or require education at all. 

The Real Problem Isn’t the Disability

The point here that so many people don’t want to hear: Disabled children are being limited by their parents’ beliefs, not their own abilities. 

As parents, it is our job to advocate for our children. When our children have disabilities and illnesses, we have to do that more fiercely. 

• We cannot stand here and be angry that disabled children are limited when so many parents are holding their children back. 

• We cannot expect others to treat them differently than our own population does. 

• We cannot help them rise above when people look at us and see so many being restricted by their own families.

Yes, it is our job to protect our children. That doesn’t mean limit or enable. Preventing them from experiencing the world is not protection. Collectively, we will never get the resources we need if we continue to limit them. 

We want—no, we NEED—resources and opportunities for our children, but how can we expect those to be developed if parents continue to keep their children limited?

How can we expect others to treat them equally if we don’t?

It starts with us, Parents! We have to be willing to die on the hill that our child can have everything. If we don’t believe that, no one else will either. 

Fiercely Advocating for Your Child Begins with Fighting for Yourself

Believing in your child starts with believing in yourself. If you’re ready to stop shrinking your life to fit around someone else’s limits, grab my free guide, How to Steal 10 Minutes a Day for Yourself—Without Guilt. When you reclaim even a few minutes of your day, you show your kids that nothing—including disabilities—is bigger than possibility. Let’s stop settling for limits—on them or on us.

P.S. Your kids deserve it. You do too.